Sunday, November 29, 2009

so be it

I heard someone once say, "Intimacy breeds conflict." This is so true. As you become closer to a person, there's going to be conflict, something that needs worked out. The only way to resolve this is good ole communication. Sorting out mixed-messages, expectations, figuring out where things got out of alignment.

I admit to struggling in the area of giving back. It's difficult for me to find ways to return provision, care, love, etc. Giving is just a weak area. Sure most of my generation and I are ungrateful, unappreciative, and take a lot for granted. We haven't really known what it's like to be "without" so consequently we can't fully appreciate our situation of being "with." Therefore, when those around us deserve having something given back to, after giving so freely, I must say it becomes so ridiculously challenging to SEE that there needs to be more given back. It is totally blinding.

Yes, blindness. There can't really be excuses, but giving is a learned thing. Giving must be practiced. Giving must become a way of life. So I'm sorry for all the ways and all the times I've failed to give back when not being told I should give back.

Dear Lord,
Please teach us all lessons on giving back. On our own we are selfish. On our own we only think about ourselves. That's where You come in. In our weakness, You are strong. In our selfishness, You break those walls down and let love flow out of us. By Your grace--power of Your Holy Spirit within us--may we come to have hearts that freely give and constantly seek ways to give.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

A free will

God has a free will. So do we. Jesus lived with a will entirely submitted to God's. In Christ there is no bondage whatsoever, nothing constricting in the least. The Holy Spirit dwells in Christ. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Jesus came that we would have and enjoy life. So it is in submission to God and His will that we will have and enjoy our lives, in abundance, to the full. In Christ there is life. In obedience to His will and His way there is freedom, life, and liberty everlasting.

Friday, November 13, 2009

A revealing of the Heart

God is so good at revealing His Truth at just the right time. The issue of the heart is a tumultuous thing. Have there been times when you think and feel things that you know aren't right? I suppose that's the division line between the carnal/selfish nature of the flesh and the Truth within us.

Sometimes it's plain difficult to let things go, to forgive, to place aside. Relationships are good like that. We so want to let it go, but something in our heart holds onto the pain, the offense, etc.

"But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.
Luke 7:47


That is a key. In the past someone may have acted very unforgivingly towards us. That created an unseen/unconsious stronghold which unfortunately affects the way we see others when things go haywire.

So with this in place it makes it difficult to truly love others, which definitely includes forgiveness.

Prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for your precious and unconditional love. Thank you for your forgiveness that can never be exhausted. Reveal the power of your forgiveness to our hearts in perfect ways so that we can know grasp it. Then may we be empowered to go out and love with Your love, forgiving others readily and freely just as You have forgiven us in Christ.
Amen.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

House of Love

Recently I visited a house of Love. It was big, open, spacious, and free. The joy, love, and laughter that must be there so much lingered in the air. Everything was so inviting and comfy! The toys and games and everything left out for all to see all spoke of the fun had. Every object and every person in the house speak of genuine care. Of full attention. Of freedom to speak. Of joy. Of laughter. Of wonder and amazement from sparkling eyes.

I wonder what it would be like. The power of knowing we are so delighted in, cherished, and valued speaks volumes to the heart. Such a foundation can never be moved. To know that your voice is heard... To not be criticized, judged, or condemned... To be able to give so freely and not be shot down... All because someone is there to love it, and more importantly to love YOU!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Check this out!

I recently came across this article on the Elijah List. It blew me away. The simplicity to what God has called us to is astounding. Just to love Him above all else. That's it...

Thursday, August 27, 2009

This I Love

And this I love, in being able to share life together. The ups and downs, the good times and bad. Hopes. Dreams. Laughter and sadness. Games and books. Music. Friends.

Words cannot describe what it means to be part of another's life. To share and partake. To be a part of. To feel included in every way. Nothing held back. In no way excluded.

Fully a part of.

To encourage and lift up. To make a difference in another's life. To give them a spark to carry through in their own journey. May we all do that for each other.

Making us all on the inside.

A small part of one another.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

are we blind?!

After walking through the checkout line in Giant Eagle today, I got pretty angry. Tabloids are tabloids, but they reveal bitter truth about society. And yes, we are all keeping a watchful eye the government, politics, international relations, etc., but somehow I feel like we are overlooking way too much.


Is there any respect left for sex?... For marriage?... For families?...



There is a vicious cycle occurring that is ripping apart society as we know it. Although it's been going on for quite some time, nearly everything is geared towards sex, and I am so sick of it! The perversion of something so beautiful as a physical expression of love between wife and husband--an act of selfless giving to each other--has been turned into self-filled pleasure coupled with exploitation.

And the sad part is...

How young kids are being filled with such notions.

These stats are from 2007, compiled into a booklet from an event I attended in Pittsbugh, called BattleCry. And I'm sure they have gone up (or down) since then.

-Every 6.7 scenes on television include a sexual topic.
-The most watched teen network is MTV, where more than 30,000 soft porn images are broadcast every week.
-Average age of first sex: 15.8 years old.
-Average age of first internet exposure to pornography is 11.
-The largest consumer of internet pornography is currently, young people ages 12-17.

And on and on the list goes! It's sick!!! The internet, tv, all forms of media purge our brains with everything sex. It's no wonder it's a problem!

And because sex is so free... then who needs marriage! Right? Wrong. I was told that being physically intimate leads to a false sense of closeness. It's not the relationship... It's an expression of it. The emotional wreckage is incredible! Broken, aching hearts everywhere... A wonderful expression of love at the wrong time.

What we need is a monumental perspective change. A book I recently read, The Red Tent, set during the time of Rachel, Jacob, and Leah, tells a story through Dinah's eyes. Even as a child Dinah saw the dogs and knew what was going on during a brother's honeymoon. All the same it was out in the open. Not something hidden. Not something to be ashamed of. Sex was (and still is) a beautiful fact of life. Maybe if more parental guidance was present to shape the views and intentions of it all there wouldn't be as much of a problem. To keep something hidden in the dark, almost as a secret, is sometimes the cause for total rebellion. Now, I am by no means saying that we just need to blatantly expose children to this. We just need to convey the worth, value, and understanding of it all.

Then we have marriage. It scares me how little respect this gets. All over the place. People marrying, divorcing, not marrying and just having kids, etc. like it's nothing (and of course there are times when it is best to be out of a relationship). This is like a bloodbath on the family system. This was not intended.

And in the end we have the cycle of false intimacy leading to emotional wreckage. How can we have healthy relationships in such conditions?

Love. Pure love. Holy love. Unconditional love. Love no matter what. Love that says I forgive you. Love that wipes out the hurt, fear, and pain. We fail to see it! We too often fail to grasp hold of it! This eternal Love that never, never ends and is always reaching for us! We can't love everyone with the real Love we need. That can only come from the one true God.

Perfect love drives out fear.

Only the One Who made us can love us perfectly with the love we really need.. To know that we are always accepted, loved, cherished, thought of, cared for, forgiven, heard.

God so longs to make us whole and complete through Jesus Christ. If we all came to realize how crazy the Lord is over us, how jealously and madly in love with us God is. Then...

~We'd be able to forgive each other a little easier, knowing that we are forgiven.
~We would accept each other, knowing that we are accepted.
~We would be enabled to love each other, knowing that we are loved.
You get the idea.

And then...
We could have better, healthier relationships, all because we have a relationship with the One--Father, Son, Holy Spirit. More respect. Better marriages. Healthy families. Better society.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

dynamic!

"I," she opened her hands to include Jesus and Papa, "I am a verb. I am that I am. I will be who I will be. I am a verb! I am alive, dynamic, ever active, and moving. I am a being verb."

"My words are alive and dynamic - full of life and possibility..."

From The Shack

I have a friend (you know who you are!) that is very dynamic! Always thinking, changing, moving... It is refreshing to be around. Some people might think, "Can't you just be happy the way things are?!" But that is exactly the point...

The danger of complacency is far-reaching. Being settled, stagnant, and unmoving is as filthy as a rank pond with no moving water. God is the only One who never changes. We are constantly in process, being shaped, melted, and molded. So the moment we quit moving is the moment we are no longer going forward.


Active.


Alive.


Dynamic.


Energetic.

May we never be complacent to stay where we're at. May we always be pressing towards the Higher Goal while remaining sure and stable on the Rock.

And by the way... God IS! Right here, right NOW!!!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Sometimes

Sometimes the Lord takes us through crazy times. They can't be explained. In one breath everything is fine, in the next it seems that the world has turned upside-down. Then it goes back again.

It's like in music, with the random dissonances. Out of nowhere! A pianist tosses a chord, the melody takes an unexpected turn... I love it. It makes me laugh. Dissonance can be awful to listen to, unless you hear it in a different light.

And I guess that's where the gap is bridged: perception. I don't know when, but somewhere along the line my view of hard times got tossed out the window. Instead of voicing my thankfulness, keeping my eyes on Jesus and just trusting, and loving the Lord to the fullest, I got consumed with the gloominess. God never intended this!

Hard times can be so glorious.. They can bring so much out in us.. If only we would keep our eyes on the Lord and not the storm. Just like Peter walking on water, when we look at the storms in life and away from Jesus, we start to sink. God has promised to be with us through the waters and the fire. Keep focused!

We never really go through anything alone. I mean it's all over the place in the Bible that God says, "Don't be afraid! I am with you!" Oh to take hold of this!

So God promises us in Romans 8:28 that "In all things we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. So in those some-times when we aren't in line with Him, we know He's always there, still working on our behalf, taking each and every situation and turning it around for our own good and benefit.

Just keeping seeking, keep pressing into the Lord. He rewards us when we seek Him. And may your some-times be kept under the watchful and attentive eye of the Lord.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

a Tribute

Today has been surreal in a way. Joyful yet sad. Daydream-like but feeling the brunt of reality. Relishing in the past but realizing the present isn't like that anymore.

It's like that when people pass away, isn't it?

They continue on their journey, hopefully in total bliss with the God of the universe. While we are still here on earth, mourning, missing, crying, laughing...

When I remember John, all I can think of is laughing. Never a dull moment. Even now, even today at the funeral, when I thought of him I smiled. It's no other way. It's how he would want it to be.

And even in the midst of the suffering, somehow the image of flowers pervades my mind. Flowers, like growing, blooming, live objects. How much does this speak? That in the midst of death, life is present.

For me this has come in the deep appreciation of John's family who has played a large role in my life. Everything they have shared and given means the world. They have taught me to work hard, to love, to enjoy myself, to have fun. They taught me to receive. Constant givers. I want to be like that. And in the moments of holding these thoughts dear, I questioned what can I do to give back to those who have given so much? And what I've found is to just love. To be there for them. To spend time with them. Especially when they ache so bad for a life taken too soon (from our perspective).

Sometimes just knowing someone cares, even if it is just being there with them, speaks more to the heart than anything else could.

So I pray for God's blessing and comfort on this dear family. May they rest with the peace of the Lord filling their hearts.

And after seeing My Sister's Keeper tonight... It serves as yet another reminder as to how exceedingly precious life is. Each person is a gem. Each life so frail.

But in the Lord there is hope. In the Lord we know that life goes on. Life literally continues. We will be with Him when we pass from this earth, onwards into eternity. We have a hope of being reunited with our loved ones in a great circle of faith. In the Lord there is this hope.

There is safety.

There is security.

In knowing where we are going when we pass from this life.

For at any moment.... life could just slip away..

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Freeze frame

With this cool summer, I think it's permissible to talk about something cold!

Anyways. Ice... It is the solid form water takes when heat is minimal. In its beauty ice can form complex crystals. In its treachery ice makes conditions dangerous, slippery, without traction.

When frozen, movement is limited. An eerie stillness settles in. Who would dare move?

I once had an odd dream involving ice. To paint the picture, I was on some type of vacation with my family. We were staying in a house along a stretch of cleared land with trees on lining the sides. Quite comically we were sitting in lawn chairs watching our surroundings. Suddenly a single cloud, looking like a log, rolled in and suspended our immediate surroundings with a coat of ice. Most of my family escaped.

Talk about a lot of fear. Everything was encased by ice.

Then the sun came out and returned the water to its liquid form.

The world was at peace again.

It's so unfortunate, but this happens to us on the inside sometimes. Like a big ice storm we are frozen in our mind.

Fear? Taking liberty to be so hard on yourself, like smacking yourself with a baseball bat?

For any number of reasons we get so mentally knotted. It prevents us from moving, from acting. Likewise we begin to view situations from behind a wall of ice to observe. Oh that the Son would melt this all away!

Jesus said there is no condemnation! He said we are free! Free! FREE! Wherever the Spirit is, there is freedom! We don't need to beat ourselves up anymore... That was never in God's plan. Only Jesus gives us this liberation. Who else can?

Lord, teach us to step out into the unknown, having faith in You constantly. I declare FREEDOM in the hearts and minds of all who read this, that they would be free to think, to speak, and to act in this freedom. May all of our thoughts, words, and movements be in Your will of LOVE. In Jesus' name! Amen!


So be it.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

give up

Have you ever done a web search for the phrase 'give up?' Some sites that pop up refer to:
-A music album
-A blog
-YouTube videos
-Giving up various activities/habits
On and on it goes...

Thankfully the dictionary makes things a little more clear: abandon, yield control, surrender.

My life has been plagued with giving up, and I'm not altogether referring to the healthy meaning of the word. It's an incredible phenomena when phrases like, "I give up," "I don't care," and "It doesn't matter" ring through your head like a bad jingle. All of a sudden you wake up and wonder why you haven't been sticking to things, why you haven't been caring, why so much doesn't touch your heart anymore. The thoughts become the position of hearts, which in turn spin outward into words and actions. I've been catching myself thinking and saying "I don't care" to many things. Regardless as to whether these are small, trite situations, they gravely affect my outlook on life.

To put "giving up" in other terms would be like this:
Running a race hard, getting to the very brink of the finish line, and falling backwards. The race is never finished. So often thoughts, words, actions, efforts, bubble to the surface but never quite break through the membrane. The jungle of knots and twists preventing these things from breaking through is menacing, binding. Freezing. Movement stops.

Let's face it. We all have projects we start on and then falter or fail when they become mundane or boring or there is difficulty. But when it is a way of life, when it prevents you from really living, then it's an issue.

But there's much more in us, isn't there? Unlimited potential inside. We don't need to give
up. We are giving something. We are giving away efforts, deeming them wasted. We don't need to.

We can give UP. We can give up, yield, abandon ourselves, and trust in the Lord. I mean, giving up creates the image of giving it up. Letting go and letting God take control. Not worrying, not fretting. Just trusting. Trusting that God is good, that He will never give us up, give up on us. Hebrews 13:5 says: For He Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you, nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake you nor let [you] down (relax my hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] It is an awesome promise we have. Just trust and let it all go.

Learning to live a life of giving things up... my doubts, fears, worries, concerns, is a joyous experience. It is so freeing... Makes me feel like a kid again because I'm living in joy instead of worry.

Thanks be to God!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A catalogue of events

Dear God,

I write tonight with a heavy but grateful heart. The memories from this past week have been incredible, and I know I will never forget them. It's all from You, isn't it? The laughs, the joy, the immense care and love felt are so powerful that I know they have changed my life for the better. You brought us all together. The eight of us in one place... knitted together into a family.

Excitement. Coming into this trip, Dad, it was all excitement. New places, new people. The thrill of it all electrified the trip. Everyday was so full. For me, the joy of being around others. The joy of being with kids and laughing. The joy of being with adults and learning how to grow up.

Freedom. Lord, it was a week of Freedom! From You! Freedom of choice, freedom of mind, freedom of heart. To choose to love all. Being productive alone and fruitful with others. I could truly have asked for nothing more.

Care. The immense care, value, and appreciation that went around this Family has yet to be surpassed. From this Family I've had my eyes opened to the way You intended us to function. The looking out for each other, the giving of love, the comfort of a sorrow... All was a shared thing.

Friendship. I can't do anything but fall on my knees in humility and thankfulness for these Friends gained. Hearing the stories! It was so wonderful. So open.. So beautiful! Strength beyond belief. Such an invitation to be myself without hesitation. yet it is coming...

I've been realizing that this bond is so great and long-lasting. Though it is sad to have parted our ways for the week, the joy is that this new adventure has just begun. The joy of living our lives and bringing them together to share is a precious way to live.

Toto. Japanese. The Best of Friends! Spongebob. Sneegugs. Beach. Pool. Boardwalk. Watch the Tram Car, Please! Love. Hugs! Amusement park. Beach house. Wii. On and on the list goes!

So, Lord, thanks go to you an infinite amount for the newfound Family, knit together by You. Thank You for this new beginning, for the Joy of a lifetime. May Your blessing be upon us!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

a Token of love, an expression of Love

Tonight I received a token of Love. As simple as it may seem, it was a dress. A very vivid and colorful one. Intricate in detail, yet its message is clear: love. I cannot seem to fully comprehend the joy swirling inside of me since receiving it.

Do we know? Do we understand? Love is meant to be the foundation of our lives. That deep-seated, selfless sacrifice of care was intended to permeate our beings: spirit, soul - including the mind, the will, and the emotions - and our bodies. With everything, love.

But what happens when there is a miscommunication of love? What if we don't quite get the way someone is expressing love to us? And in the midst of all of this... What if we feel an absence of love?

Oh, how easy it is. When the foundation is sandy, rocky, and unstable. Some days there is security and peace. Other days, such as when there is an absence of tangible expression, a raging sea ensues. How can you forget people care? How can that not take hold? I do not know, though I wish I did. It's an internal tempest, a raging storm that slyly messes with everything...

As a result we beat ourselves up. We take hold of the baseball bat and slam ourselves! As a result we tell ourselves, "No one really cares! What's the point?" As a result we retreat inward, feeling stupid, feeling wrong at every movement or word. Like a child immediately withdrawing her hand from a hot pot, so 'STUPID' flashes before our mind's eye. But what is the truth?

The truth is not any of those things. The truth is that every word, every glance, every moment of our being has intense value. As Jesus speaks this truth to our hearts in the Song of Solomon: Show me your face, let me hear your voice. For your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. To know that God knows every thought, that nothing escapes His notice... That He has intense care and devotion to us and is always with us... That beckons and calls us to relinquish all control and just trust.

So in the end, this expression of love spoke volumes to my heart. It melted yet another layer of the hardness and callousness. The love is soothing the aches and smoothing the rocky foundation of my being.

God is definitely good and answers the desires of our hearts. To know His providential care through those around us is something I cherish.

Thank you, Jesus.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

through Other eyes

Perception. To observe, to perceive, to have awareness.

Have you ever thought of what it would be like to only see things through one set of eyes? It just isn't right...

Through many broken relationships, hurts, wounds, and pain, the only way we know how to function is from inside. The callousness, walls, and shells all distort the truth of the way things really are. We shut ourselves off to people because it is safe, and we take things into our own hands through control!

And so relationships don't get built. Bridges are not strongly forged. Shared and common experiences dwindle. All along we miss the importance of others' lives, interests, and love. We miss out on their perspective.

Recently developing a few healthy, stable relationships is opening me up to our need for others. Being closed off and shut down to so much in a few years has created so many blockages. But now the clouds are parting and light is shining through. The joy of companionship and sharing in life together is bubbling something wonderful inside. I can feel the joy rising up from within.

The laughter! The love! The enjoyment and delight in one another!

This is what life was intended to be like: Looking out for each other always. Families caring, tying us together into one larger family. All of this knitting us together even closer - for a higher purpose and calling.

May we all reach out beyond ourselves to something higher. May we constantly seek the Lord on how to care, how to love one another, how to communicate worth and value to others. May we continually be forged into abundant healthy relationships to open each others' eyes to the many facets of life.

I believe in the Lord. I trust in the Lord. I have faith in the Lord. That His light would shine on us all to open our eyes to what is the Truth. If we will only turn and say Yes to God, then He will turn us away from the darkness that blocks our vision and turn us to the Light instead.

May the Light and the Love of Jesus Christ be with you always!

Where i'm at

No matter where I am at, I am learning. Whether it's easy and joy-filled or difficult for whatever the reason, I am learning, growing... all on that limitless upward curve.

As of recently I have been in some interesting situations. Well, you could call them interesting, or you could label them as totally normal. Even in these 'normal' circumstances I am internally distraught... tied up in knots really. But in reality there isn't anything wrong, I just always feel like it! It is a constant battle with attempting to stay afloat and not get consumed with the perceived wrong.

In every situation and every circumstance I seek to keep my eyes on Christ. By doing so I magnify Him and minimize the problems. Learning to bring the problems out and not keep them in enables the knots to be undone, truth to be known, and a lot more freedom of mind at hand.

This freedom I so cherish. Big, wide-open spaces are places of joy where I soak in the freedom. It's what I long for inside - to feel free. Running, jumping, playing, tumbling, are all what I love to do. All because I want to be free on the inside!

I can truly do nothing on my own. Without God - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, without close friends, without prayer and a desire to be well and health, I could be nowhere. I believe that there is hope. Hope for change. Hope for the better. Hope that we can always get closer to that state of perfection, holiness, and fulfillment - all from the Lord and only possible through Him.

So wherever we are at, the Lord is constantly drawing us to Himself, speaking so gently, pulling us in. It's up to us to listen and respond to the knocks on the door of our hearts. This is where continual improvement comes from, that eternal upward curve leading straight to God's heart.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

in Spite of it all

As Donna VanLiere wrote, "But to love and accept someone regardless of their flaws and failures is a breath of hope in a harsh, finger-wagging world. That is an undeserved gift, which is life itself. That's grace."

In spite of it all we choose to love each other. To look past how things appear, to see beyond the actions--whether present or missing--takes a lot of guts. But that is love, that is grace, that is mercy, all wrapped together in one spinning ball of life. Shouldn't this be the core of our being?

Have you ever struggled to understand, for one reason or another, how people could love you? Then someone comes along and loves you... in spite of it all.

Doesn't Donna speak truth? Too often, no matter where you go, people are pointing fingers, blaming you for one thing or another. Unfortunately we all do it... But why?

It's a vicious cycle. Quite selfish in nature. Pride says, "I'm the one who's right!" Humility, filled with a heart of grace, says, "I forgive you and choose to see you for who you really are."

God never intended us to sin, to do anything that doesn't please Him. Why? Because it causes hurt, pain, death. It's just bad. God intended us to live a joy-filled, love-drenched, self-less life. He wants only the best!!!

That's why in spite of it all... The sin, the hurt, the pain, the turmoil, the bad things going on...
We choose to love It's the best road and highest calling
We choose to hope Things will get better and turn around
We choose to believe God is good and is working things for our own good
We choose to keep our eyes on Jesus Whatever you focus on becomes biggest That's why we're told to magnify the Lord! and in light of it all our problems become small