a Tribute

Today has been surreal in a way. Joyful yet sad. Daydream-like but feeling the brunt of reality. Relishing in the past but realizing the present isn't like that anymore.

It's like that when people pass away, isn't it?

They continue on their journey, hopefully in total bliss with the God of the universe. While we are still here on earth, mourning, missing, crying, laughing...

When I remember John, all I can think of is laughing. Never a dull moment. Even now, even today at the funeral, when I thought of him I smiled. It's no other way. It's how he would want it to be.

And even in the midst of the suffering, somehow the image of flowers pervades my mind. Flowers, like growing, blooming, live objects. How much does this speak? That in the midst of death, life is present.

For me this has come in the deep appreciation of John's family who has played a large role in my life. Everything they have shared and given means the world. They have taught me to work hard, to love, to enjoy myself, to have fun. They taught me to receive. Constant givers. I want to be like that. And in the moments of holding these thoughts dear, I questioned what can I do to give back to those who have given so much? And what I've found is to just love. To be there for them. To spend time with them. Especially when they ache so bad for a life taken too soon (from our perspective).

Sometimes just knowing someone cares, even if it is just being there with them, speaks more to the heart than anything else could.

So I pray for God's blessing and comfort on this dear family. May they rest with the peace of the Lord filling their hearts.

And after seeing My Sister's Keeper tonight... It serves as yet another reminder as to how exceedingly precious life is. Each person is a gem. Each life so frail.

But in the Lord there is hope. In the Lord we know that life goes on. Life literally continues. We will be with Him when we pass from this earth, onwards into eternity. We have a hope of being reunited with our loved ones in a great circle of faith. In the Lord there is this hope.

There is safety.

There is security.

In knowing where we are going when we pass from this life.

For at any moment.... life could just slip away..

Freeze frame

With this cool summer, I think it's permissible to talk about something cold!

Anyways. Ice... It is the solid form water takes when heat is minimal. In its beauty ice can form complex crystals. In its treachery ice makes conditions dangerous, slippery, without traction.

When frozen, movement is limited. An eerie stillness settles in. Who would dare move?

I once had an odd dream involving ice. To paint the picture, I was on some type of vacation with my family. We were staying in a house along a stretch of cleared land with trees on lining the sides. Quite comically we were sitting in lawn chairs watching our surroundings. Suddenly a single cloud, looking like a log, rolled in and suspended our immediate surroundings with a coat of ice. Most of my family escaped.

Talk about a lot of fear. Everything was encased by ice.

Then the sun came out and returned the water to its liquid form.

The world was at peace again.

It's so unfortunate, but this happens to us on the inside sometimes. Like a big ice storm we are frozen in our mind.

Fear? Taking liberty to be so hard on yourself, like smacking yourself with a baseball bat?

For any number of reasons we get so mentally knotted. It prevents us from moving, from acting. Likewise we begin to view situations from behind a wall of ice to observe. Oh that the Son would melt this all away!

Jesus said there is no condemnation! He said we are free! Free! FREE! Wherever the Spirit is, there is freedom! We don't need to beat ourselves up anymore... That was never in God's plan. Only Jesus gives us this liberation. Who else can?

Lord, teach us to step out into the unknown, having faith in You constantly. I declare FREEDOM in the hearts and minds of all who read this, that they would be free to think, to speak, and to act in this freedom. May all of our thoughts, words, and movements be in Your will of LOVE. In Jesus' name! Amen!


So be it.

give up

Have you ever done a web search for the phrase 'give up?' Some sites that pop up refer to:
-A music album
-A blog
-YouTube videos
-Giving up various activities/habits
On and on it goes...

Thankfully the dictionary makes things a little more clear: abandon, yield control, surrender.

My life has been plagued with giving up, and I'm not altogether referring to the healthy meaning of the word. It's an incredible phenomena when phrases like, "I give up," "I don't care," and "It doesn't matter" ring through your head like a bad jingle. All of a sudden you wake up and wonder why you haven't been sticking to things, why you haven't been caring, why so much doesn't touch your heart anymore. The thoughts become the position of hearts, which in turn spin outward into words and actions. I've been catching myself thinking and saying "I don't care" to many things. Regardless as to whether these are small, trite situations, they gravely affect my outlook on life.

To put "giving up" in other terms would be like this:
Running a race hard, getting to the very brink of the finish line, and falling backwards. The race is never finished. So often thoughts, words, actions, efforts, bubble to the surface but never quite break through the membrane. The jungle of knots and twists preventing these things from breaking through is menacing, binding. Freezing. Movement stops.

Let's face it. We all have projects we start on and then falter or fail when they become mundane or boring or there is difficulty. But when it is a way of life, when it prevents you from really living, then it's an issue.

But there's much more in us, isn't there? Unlimited potential inside. We don't need to give
up. We are giving something. We are giving away efforts, deeming them wasted. We don't need to.

We can give UP. We can give up, yield, abandon ourselves, and trust in the Lord. I mean, giving up creates the image of giving it up. Letting go and letting God take control. Not worrying, not fretting. Just trusting. Trusting that God is good, that He will never give us up, give up on us. Hebrews 13:5 says: For He Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you, nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless, nor forsake you nor let [you] down (relax my hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] It is an awesome promise we have. Just trust and let it all go.

Learning to live a life of giving things up... my doubts, fears, worries, concerns, is a joyous experience. It is so freeing... Makes me feel like a kid again because I'm living in joy instead of worry.

Thanks be to God!